He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
