That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
