this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
