he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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