u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
