I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
