I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
