i think my mom watched the whole time
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
