2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
