so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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