I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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