I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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