dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
