i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
