I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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