this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
