I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
