just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
