Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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