3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
