The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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