I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
