Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
