we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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