There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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