Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
