im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
