I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
