the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
