How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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