The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
that may or may not have been my penis.
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