i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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