I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
