It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
false alarm, still single
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
