theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
