nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't think brook has ever known best
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
