i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
