dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
