Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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