a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
