why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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