I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize