Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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