Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
