I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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