Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
