he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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