It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
