Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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