Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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