We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
