so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
