And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
