soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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