He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
