My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
