i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
