Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Randomize
