This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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