im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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