I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
