booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
