So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize