We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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