i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
