So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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