i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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