I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize