When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
