I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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