I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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