You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
