would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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