she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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